The Tyrany of Desire.

Having struggled with the desire to produce work that unearths, exposes or questions my relationship with the world and my inner state I have settled on the following:

To 'hope' that I may find a language altogether new or original is (in) vain. That is an attempt to separate, find an identity and bolster the ego. Then whatever work is subsequently produced is made toxic by the desire/hope/wish to be recognized. At this stage I am letting go of that one. The recognition of oneself by others is, perhaps, reminiscent of the child asking the parent to recognize they are becoming independant. My work has settled into a freer pattern of production. The desire for one's work to have certain qualities gets, firmly, in the way of the authentic voice.

I have been reading the thoughts of the psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion and John Cage (at the behest of T.A.). Bion talks about the analyst bringing no thoughts or ideas to the analytical situation and being open to the encounter with the 'patient'. Cage talks about music not imposing an 'idea' on the listener but the listener has to do something about the music (I guess he means responsive?). They are both touching on a pretty fundamental aspect of creativity. It is a tricky business, certainly in the arts. Many egos are constantly jostling one another. Sometimes I get into that scene a bit, out of necessity, but mostly keep out of it.

How can the work one produces not be bound up in an idea (conceptual art is an interesting strand in the 20th century but has a knowingness that flies in the face of my notions?) and driven by the ego but it more open?

All I know is that desire for things to be a certain way is the route of all pain and conflict.